stop caring about your 'self'

Been planning this one out in my head for a little bit now. Thought I might draw a flow chart. But too lazy, I'll be able to organize these things in text anyway. So, this post is about how to stop caring about your 'self'. This means to stop caring about what other people say about you, how to feel comfortable with what makes your essence you and how to make other people comfortable with you too.

People with low self-esteem
When I think about people with low self-esteem and how I used to be there. It really just started off with other people hating me. It started when I was 8 and I can remember when it first hit me that other people could dislike what made me, me. I think our most fundamental personality traits show up when we're young. So I had my two best friends and we formed a club and my bossy nature just got worse. Till a point when I remember that one day they were completely ignoring me and being secretive by passing a note RIGHT next to me. Me, being sneaky and somewhat conniving, stole the note when it fell on the floor and they didn't notice. It was just basically a hate note, of all the things they didn't like about me, and that started a seed of self-hate that lasted for ages.

I could never deal with the fact that there was a single person who hated me, because I felt like why should they, you know? I began to take their feedback about what they didn't like about me and pick at it at night. I mean, there were some sources constantly telling me what was wrong with me but I think my biggest critic was me. It got particularly bad when I hit pre-teenhood and I started thinking suicidally starting age 11. Other things like cyber-bullying were a factor, and I've had too many encounters with it but like all things, I think you get apathetic after a while and you start to harden emotionally when you're exposed to things too much.

I haven't really been able to accept myself until recently, and I mean it really just involved thinking about everything that's around us. What if everything disappeared tomorrow? What if everyone and everything just stopped existing, no one and nothing would matter ever at all. I just think that's how you evade problems too. Why would anything matter if nothing existed? I also just remember that everyone else is just trying to exist too and no one is a better human being than anyone else. But sometimes to help myself visualize the whole "nothing matters" thing, I just close my eyes and watch the world explode. If anyone else has any particular issues with their 'selves', I'll definitely try to help over ask.fm because I know this was rather general. Discussion always leads to the best answers.

People with "lost selves"
I've been seeing this a lot lately. With lots of people pleased with themselves and where they are now, but are terrified for the future. Maybe because the future holds so much uncertainty. And you know what? It isn't necessarily only about what kind of job you're going to have or if you're going to be happy about the future. I think it's also okay to be clueless about what makes you, you. Recently, as comfortable as I am about things, I'm still unsure what makes me, me. Is it possible to ever really pin-point and put down on paper? Like when you're asked to fill out a section "about you", could you really ever do it?

I think it's also okay for people to be "lost" about other aspects in life. I was very lost in the topics of love a little while ago. This massive debate on monogamy, polygamy, polyamory going on in my head. I think as a part of my personality, I really don't like to be lost and it made me react terribly. But you know what? I'm entirely fine in this department now. After 2 months of searching. So if you consider yourself a "lost" soul, isolate what makes you feel so lost first. It's like a cancer I suppose, if you know where it's coming from you can target it and get rid of it altogether.

People with too much self-esteem
This is generally just unpleasant for all. Everyone knows those people who behave like they're "all that" and I actually doubt that anyone who's going to read this is going to acknowledge that they have too much self-esteem. But basically, all I have to say about this is that just don't. Lives are lives. Yours isn't better than anyone else's and the path to true happiness is to put your effort into other people's happiness because that means you made feelings, and not something material!

Enough rambling, because let's face it. This was a huge ramble. My ask.fm is available for awkward questions, or philosophical discussion. We all know that I'm actually very nerdy. On a side note, I leave for Bristol on the 25th instead of well, today. So much to do, and I really just want. To. Sit.